Thursday, April 2, 2009


During this four-year period, I made the decision to be celibate for 2 years. I feel it is necessary to elaborate on this decision. This was a personal choice and is by no means necessary for everyone. It is also not a requirement to study Kabbalah. As a matter of fact, sex is looked on in a very positive light and is considered a very powerful spiritual tool. I had felt this spiritual like feeling several times through intense play sessions with Tony. I was unable however to stop the endless mental babble and feelings of guilt and shame that came after sex, This mental babble was not exclusive to just my sex life, and it would be the source for a life's worth of unnecessary anxiety, pain and suffering.
No the decision to refrain from sex was born out of a realization that I was being controlled by my ego and it is the ego that was preventing me from being truly free. It was a temporary choice that enabled me to reboot and reprogram. I needed to shut down for a while. Extreme I know, but it served its purpose, I eventually would return to exploring my sexuality and over time experience what I like to call “ SEX WITHOUT SIDE EFFECTS. “
All our programming from birth, conscious and subconscious creates a mental filter that determines how we view and perceive things and situations. This filter is used by the EGO to keep us in a mental prison. Once you realize the EGO is not you, you begin to perceive all that negative social programming (guilt, shame, victim mentality, fitting in) as separate from our true essence, which is true freedom, and the EGO gone unchecked wins, keeping us enslaved in a mental prison. The worse part is most people don’t and never will realize this. The human “EGO” is the root of every unjust calamity personally and globally.
In what would become a familiar line from the movie “The Usual Suspects” “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing us he did not exist.”
The fact is the devil or Satan, contrary to what religion has unjustly led the masses to believe is not a red demon with horns and a tail. The word Satan pronounced SAH-TAAN in Hebrew as it first appears in the Old Testament. Properly translated means Adversary. Properly speaking. It is not a name; it's more of a job description. Satan is an adversarial force of consciousness that exists inside our heads not some demon living in hell. It is a force of consciousness dwelling within our own minds. That so called force expresses itself through the human EGO.

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