Monday, May 4, 2009


I have no real answer as to why I suddenly found myself being drawn back to the Leather, BDSM scene except for one, I was beginning my journey home. I had never been one to subscribe or feel a deep desire to Cleve to a group or scene, although I have always found it quite easy to feel the positive energy and sense of family that these groups and scenes create. Perhaps it was the 4 years and deep connection I developed with my spiritual family at the kabbalah centre that made me realize that being a part of a group or community as long as it's with the right consciousness isn't a bad thing. in actuality it was more about my fear of commitment. I have no issue's now committing myself 100% to something as long as it's having a positive affect on those involved.
So it soon became clear that besides the fact I was fully embracing my kinks, I was making my way back to Tony.
I had been thinking about him allot, I underestimated the deep connection we shared and it was overshadowed by my inability at the time to see the scene that tony embraced and introduced me to 7 years ago any deeper than face value.
But I was seeing things from a completely different and more evolved place, and one of the many lessons I have learned over the past few years is "nothing is ever as it seems" and my ability to now see the "grey" area had suddenly made me appreciate and eventually long for a level of intimacy and deep connection I had experienced with Tony.
During that last year I had backed out of hooking up with a few so called player's due to my gut instinct and a keen 6th sense which has never failed me. I did however meet an amazing couple (a daddy and his boy) one evening that I instantly connected with and eventually they would have the honor of breaking me in. Boy were they in for a surprise! The nasty pig boy had risen from the ashes after 4 long years I had allot of new tricks I had been dying to try out. It was a very long evening of play and something tells me they never met an ass quite like mine.
It was in the morning over coffee, when they brought up the subject of Tony, our matching tattoo's, his website, his films etc. That I began to realize that I was suddenly and unexpectedly taking a walk down memory lane and after that night, I really began to miss him greatly. I was now thinking about him on a daily basis and wanted to reach out to him so bad, but I had it in my mind I was a distant memory. It was when I decided that I had to write him with no expectations of a response. Just to tell him what I should have told him long ago. So I did and when I came home the next day from work, there it was, a response. My reaction caught me off guard, my heart was beating a mile a minute, haven't had that reaction well since The night I met Tony. After 2 cigarettes, I finally got the courage to open the e-mail. I began reading " Oh my dear boy, my love, my soul mate!.... " I will not publish the rest, some things are sacred and for fear of exposing Tony as a renaissance poet, but it was a beautiful e-mail and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit emotional reading his words. It would be the beginning of a beautiful reconnection. shortly after we were making plans to spend Christmas together and see each other face to face for the first time in 4 years.

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